Food and Entertaining

Epic Christmas Carol – Epic Meal Time

gone over the door you dick shut up I don’t need you I got plenty and jackin baking all right I’m the sauce boss [ __ ] you no you suck off suck your mum ah [ __ ] you guys I don’t think I miss it wait wait wait we go boy meets world does that game include a minigame about being full of crap Oh get out of my ah I’m really good in this what else we got here Colonel Sanders what’s up with that I Love You mr. Feeny I love you I mean you’re a real idiot excuse me Mook it’s not Mook I’m the ghost of bacon I’m here to tell you how much for pricking to come you don’t value anything anymore I value bacon what would you do if there were no more pigs teach exactly so you better smarten the [ __ ] up stop taking things for granted you know what you’re right I should appreciate things more like I should appreciate bacon yeah welcome to the epic Meal Time kitchen where grown men don’t give up thrown out plenty of white chocolate chips while knocking back plenty of booze this is how men bake if you don’t get it you just a [ __ ] baker best back out the kitchen we’re making white chocolate Rice Krispies trades Tyler no I’m not Tyler I’m the ghost of booze you want to drink yes please there you go Thank You ghost of booze all right suppose teach me a lesson or something nope you want another drink you’re a good ghost man muscles glasses violently ripping up strips of bacon and then gently laying them down Anthony Bourdain one’s called bacon the candy of meats did you know that Anthony Bourdain of Moses glasses split for hookers in Thailand once after a serious opium bender great story allegedly remember if you take your cooking game half seriously you better be sweating a whole bunch of whiskey each step in the cooking process otherwise that’s just some [ __ ] I win about that [ __ ] take this bacon weave for example this bacon weave is the pinnacle of what you can do when you win being a [ __ ] you ain’t consumed by that [ __ ] your dad’s all about it sloppy greasy bacon flip like we just don’t give us taking this bacon here it’s okay to have a boner trust me I have one too what’s and no no way that’s brown sugar I’m gonna do fist and finger that pile of powder we spread that all over our bacon weave for a canyon bacon wheat candy bacon weave in this [ __ ] once again take a moment to get hammered in the kitchen cuz safety Dave what are you the ghost of what I’m talking about more for a cigarette oh good night now for Christmas this year we’re making a candy and meat snowman this is some next-level goofy stuff in the bottom layer with bacon and sealing it shut white chocolate next layer has bacon as well ain’t no surprises here we throw in more bacon but we want to compromise the whole integrity on this Rice Krispies snowman that’s a sentence I can guarantee no other human being is said except for me just now what you know about saying things that nobody’s ever said before this [ __ ] got Oreos for buttons Oreo buttons make for a gorgeous snowman Minnie Donald bottle doesn’t knows chocolate eyes and a licorice whip now we bust our candy bacon weave because this bad ass has a candy bacon weave scarf and our epicMealTime hat to make sure he gets at least a hand job this Christmas please gentlemen allow me to introduce a sow see the Snowman muscles my best friend I’m having these stuffed dreams I feel weird inside I need to relax toss me a pitcher – hello didn’t I what do you mean ah friend I go fishes you love sharing or you be careful they’re so smart man I’ve been such an [ __ ] I mean I got all this bacon and all these things and what’s the fun of having all these things if I can’t share with my bestest buds in the world I think I learned a lesson douche bag hey hey it’s a joyous Christmas guys honestly what’s up I turned over a new leaf all right I’m feeling good now I’m sorry I’ve been in bed I’ve been an [ __ ] Rice Krispies baking stuff snowman for everyone next time trust me we eat
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